Sitting here, thinking about the price which was paid on this day. Thinking about the conversation I had with my "brother" down in Norfolk at 2am just this Monday. He was asking about why I have this heart that lets me get stomped on and how I keep going. He was asking why I let others lie to me and I still love them anyway. He kept pointing out all of the reasons why we were sitting there on the headsets and voice chat, settling me down from a
moment of weakness when I did lash out.
I told him it was who I was. From my earliest memories I wanted to help people and it is the core of my being. Alex then asked "Sis, does it have anything to do with your faith?" I told him that faith has made it possible for me to keep wanting to be the diplomat amongst our friends, to keep wanting to help others when I can barely help myself, that my belief in Christ makes it so I can look at others and my heart breaks with desire to help them however I can. It makes it so I don't care about specific "sins" or point out verses constantly used out of context... because it isn't needed. They know I am different because of that Love which is in me and how it enhances what was already in my core... that desire to help. No need to "preach" because love says it all.
Alex was quiet for a long time. He had just started to have the desire to be inside of a church a couple weeks before. He admitted then that he didn't understand how I could keep taking such a beating, and if it was my faith which kept that desire going, then he was here for me when those weaker moments happened.
So, now I sit here and think about Him hanging and bleeding. I think about Alex and my other dearest online friends. And I stop my activities for the day, and say thank you.
I told him it was who I was. From my earliest memories I wanted to help people and it is the core of my being. Alex then asked "Sis, does it have anything to do with your faith?" I told him that faith has made it possible for me to keep wanting to be the diplomat amongst our friends, to keep wanting to help others when I can barely help myself, that my belief in Christ makes it so I can look at others and my heart breaks with desire to help them however I can. It makes it so I don't care about specific "sins" or point out verses constantly used out of context... because it isn't needed. They know I am different because of that Love which is in me and how it enhances what was already in my core... that desire to help. No need to "preach" because love says it all.
Alex was quiet for a long time. He had just started to have the desire to be inside of a church a couple weeks before. He admitted then that he didn't understand how I could keep taking such a beating, and if it was my faith which kept that desire going, then he was here for me when those weaker moments happened.
So, now I sit here and think about Him hanging and bleeding. I think about Alex and my other dearest online friends. And I stop my activities for the day, and say thank you.
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