On a man and his words

Pa. That's what I've always known him as. He is the father of my best friend and one of the strongest people I know. He's a farmer, before that he was a farmer and a worker out at the nuclear plant, but always his heart was the land. I remember the first couple of times meeting him. He didn't say much, seems most of that breed of person doesn't. However, when he did speak everyone listened. Horses, crazy teenagers, even the hay itself would pause and obey.

There was a time in my life, not so many years ago, when I ran to my "other home." I had just moved back to the east coast after a abusive situation turned into me being forced to undo the "til death do us part." To say I was a mess was the understatement of the decade. My best friend said I could come and stay in the spare room, help out on the farm, and figure out who I was again. So, with the last scraping of my savings, I packed up my cockatiel (Erwin) and a bag and headed to a farm in NJ. She ran a pony ride and petting zoo business. It provided the funds for the twenty-seven rescue horses, goats, rescued fighting roosters and other critters running around the place.

For the entire summer I learned to be up with the sun, feeding and watering horses, trying to avoid the "attack goose" that hated me, and having a tiny goat as a shadow (her name was Sweet Pea and it was love at first sight.) Pa built a new fenced in enclosure for the goats, and I was able to help. The tractor broke and we made runs into town. I assisted with the pony rides in the blistering heat. My van was hit by a drunk driver and he put my weeping self right back into serious mode with just a few sharp words. He was right. We were okay and I was able to live there longer because of the insurance money. It worked out for the good.  There were tears, injuries, heat exhaustion, and a lot of laughter, discipline, and conversation. Some of that conversation was between Pa and me. He may be a man of few words, but what he did say was usually very wise and profound. I learned to think for myself as his words challenged me. His voice was always gruff, but -don't tell anyone- he really is a softy at heart. One day I had to drive to PA for a job interview. In my purse he had tucked two pieces of scripture he'd written out just for me. I still have them, secure inside our fire safe.

I left NJ in September of that year, my feet back on solid ground and a plan in place. It has been years, and so much good has happened since I found myself again. I love the person I am still becoming. At least once a year I still "go home" where I'm welcomed like a daughter and where the conversations still continue. I'm not strong enough to help out much anymore, because of the #Ehlers-Danlos and such, but one day I will pay the family back for all they did to help me.

Why this post? Pa is in a hospital right now, recovering from a stroke. He has use of his legs again, praises be. But the wise old man with the gruff voice is unable to speak. I told my best friend that won't last long, for he is way too stubborn to stay quiet. However, the thought of us perhaps not having those conversations again brings tears to my eyes. He probably will never know the influence he has on my life. Or maybe, one day that will be a dinner table chat that we have...

#recovery, #thankful, #Ehlers-Danlos, #stroke, #farmer

On Grace

It is a strange word, grace. To so many in this world it is a term that instantly makes one recall a famous hymn. To many it is a word they hear "Christians" use and instantly turn away. I don't blame them. With all the finger pointing and lack of following Christ's most basic command to 'Love one another as I have loved you.' it must be hard to look at those who claim to have this kind of faith and believe that God and his never-ending love is real. That same grace He has shown us, the ability to forgive and love time and time again, it seems impossible and made up.

 Grace has so many meanings though, not just the ones attached to faith. It is something everyone should be striving to have in their life.Websters dictionary has grace defined as "disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency." That moment a family member erupts in a fit of materialistic rage and you turned away instead of saying something back...that was grace. The time you wanted so badly to respond to someone on social media in a scathing response to their misplaced comment and didn't...that was grace. When you let someone get in front of you in line at the store because they have just a single item and you have a cart-full....that is grace. Helping a friend who is in distress instead of catching up on reading or sleep...that is grace. It is a simple act and it is one that can move mountains all at the same time.

Sometimes it seems like there is so little grace going on, but it is there. Little moments where people consciously make a decision for the better. I've been looking for it and am starting to see those choices and their impact. Wouldn't it be great if all of us stepped back, thought over how a single response could make a difference and then made the better choice. It would be wonderful if instead of condemning, or turning away, or keeping to a narrow mind, we chose grace...kindness, courtesy, clemency. Just something I've been thinking about.


#grace, #blessings, #forgiveness

On Stepping Out...

It is time. Actually, it is beyond time. Time to stop lurking. Time to step out and start joining community. Time to put doubts and suspicions and past behind and look forward. This blog is about to make a BIG change. Gone are the days where it was just a longer version of what you saw on Facebook. Gone are the "just updates." My resolution was to start speaking what was in my heart and mind, to lead where before I lurked in the shadows. I'm sure there will be some stumbles and probably a few who don't agree with me. However, I have prayed and thought and sat up and cried out. It is time!

Blessings on the Road (Part 2)...

Continuing with Ann Voskamps' "Joy Dare" and me combining it along with the blog, here is part 2 of our road trip.

June 25th: seeing nearly 300 miles of semi-arid Colorado during our map malfunction. Not saying all the negative when I wanted to. Having lunch at the Cracker Barrel using the gift card from my parents. Seeing prairie dogs. Making the smart decision to not stay in a campground, because fire seemed to be everywhere. finding an incredibly nice hotel that didn't cost too much. Finding a "replacement purse" for the one I had safety pinned together. Glow-in-the-dark mini golf! Still keeping with the low food budget.

June 26th: Despite the smoke, choosing to go to Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. Seeing wolves at feeding time. Watching a bear scratch his back on a tree. The friendly gentlemen who ran the golf cart for less – then – abled people. Visiting Compassion Internationals headquarters! Finding a new book while at Compassion Internationals' store. Gaining a greater understanding of the amazing work they do. Lunch at Panera. Having the common sense to leave Colorado Springs when the wind picked up and the fires got out of control. Making it out of Colorado Springs, just hours before the highway was closed. Finding a campground up in Black Hawk. Experiencing a microburst (giggle.) Taking Owen to his first casino.

June 27th: Surviving a night where creepy critters were all around our cabin - or in our cabin. Having good weather as we headed out of Colorado. The car not breaking down in the incredible heat of Kansas. Seeing Wakeeny, Kansas again, even if my favorite spots were closed for the night. Making it all the way to Hays, Kansas. A peaceful nights sleep.

June 28th: Making great time to Topeka, Kansas and seeing uncle Walt and cousin Bill. Meeting Sleepy - the labaroo, and Ginger. Getting some dog cuddle time. Catching up with family. Listening to Walt's stories when I started showing him old pictures. Identifying more people from those pictures. Having an excellent Chinese dinner. Getting the car organized for the final leg of our trip.

June 29th: Getting an early start for Ohio. Being able to stop at Stonehill Winery and stocking up on my favorite wines. Having dad called while we were there, and us being able to bring two cases home for him. Having the nasty storm (later producing the Derecho) in front of us the whole time. Seeing my old teacher, Mr. Carl, for the first time in 14 years. Having the best white pizza in the world. Hours spent catching up with this amazing man. An amazing nights rest.

June 30th: Having the most amazing cinnamon bread for breakfast. Talking with Mr. Carl and his daughter Katie. The prayer Mr. Carl said over us before we left. Visiting the Air Force Museum in Dayton. Having an electric scooter available when my hip said "enough is enough." Being able to drive all the way to my parents house before sunset. Surviving having my brother, his wife, their three dogs, my two dogs, my parents, and us all in the same house and with the power only being on half the time. The greeting from Sadie one we got in the door ( I love that retriever.) Having a chance to share stories before we all rested.

July 1st: Going to church with mom and dad. Everything, including the dogs, fitting in the car for the trip home. The Internet at McDonald's being available for me to turn in my Bridgeway application project. No branches, or power outages blocking our way. Making it safely to our house, and being greeted by my cockatiels. Being able to unpack the car before passing out.

There were so many blessings in such a short time. Despite some difficulties, we had an amazing trip. There were many memories made. That was very important to me, as Colorado used to be filled with so much negative. I can now think about it and smile, remembering the wonderful things we did this summer.

#cheaptravel, #blessings, #healing, #thankful, #Colorado

Blessings on a Road Trip (part1)

     Since I have been so busy on this road trip, I decided to combine two things and share the results with you. I am a fan of Ann Voskamp and have been actively participating in her "Joy Dare." It is a way to come up with one thousand things to be thankful for in a year. I've printed the monthly calenders and every day come up with three "gifts" from that day's guide (ex: something on a plate, something in a box and something hanging up.) Some of the days are harder than others. I've kept them in a scrapbook, and between the guide and her blog, it has helped me go back to being a more hopeful person. This road trip has made it hard to keep up using the calendar, and I really wanted to blog today, so here are a list of blessings that have happened since we left on the 16th.

June 16th: Great weather as we drove. Arriving safely in Howe, Indiana earlier than expected. Being able to bite back disappointment when the places I wanted to see were closed. Eating at Golden Budda. Running into Owens old friends and it leading to a wild reunion with the whole family. Excellent ice cream from a local shop. The storms going around us overnight. Spending less than $20 on food.

June 17th: Fourteen hours of driving allowing us to make it to Kearny, Nebraska. Great weather and very little construction traffic. Seeing four amazing wind farms off of I-80! Eating leftover chinese food that I reheated over a propane back-packing stove in the middle of a rest area! A comfortable hotel and spending less than 20 on food.

June 18th: Rest stops being in close vicinity when my stomach started protesting. Getting to Chris and April's house in just over five hours. Being able to spend time sitting and talking with them. Enjoying Aprils cooking. "Raid Style" shopping with April inside of Kohls. Having them teach us a new card game and me actually liking it. A wonderful nights sleep. Spending less than $15 on food.

June 19th: Getting to show Owen all around Colorado. Having a great tour, delicious tea and a yummy lunch at Celestial Seasonings. Going down the alpine slide at Heritage Square (and Owen nearly running me off the track). Spending time wandering around the Geology Museum in Golden. Having a great dinner with April. Spending less than $20 on food (ice cream splurge again!). Findiing out I made it to the 2nd round of interviews for Bridgeway.

June 20th: Seeing Anita and her salon again and having a great conversation. Seeing Cheri Lorenz again and more wonderful catching up. Visiting Hammonds Candy factory and the memories it brought back. Thinking of the smile on moms face when she sees how much candy I bought for her...she loves Hammonds Candy. Getting to my cousin Sherrys house on time! Enjoying great food and wonderful conversation with her and her husband. Meeting my adorable cousins Jack and Ben. Good sandwiches at Quiznos and keeping with the under $20 budget.

June 21st: The crack of dawn phone interview with #Bridgeway Homeschool Academy going wonderfully. Spending the day in the Nature and Science Museum with Sherry and Jack and Ben. Laughing a lot! The joy of having two bright boys with us and the amazing understanding they had for kids so young. The smiles whilst watching Ben play with toy planes and cars. Another great meal and good conversation.

June 22nd: Estes Park! Amazing joy as we walked and shopped and talked and ate our way through the day. Finding out a hiking pole works better than my cane.Poppys pizza and the memories that came with it. Dinner cooked in the campsite. Seeing the Milky Way for the first time in too many years and the time spent looking up. Finding out I made it to the final round for the position at Bridgeway!

June 23rd. Spending the morning in #Rocky Mountain National Park. Not getting altitude sick (those who know me well are laughing.) Seeing elk. Hiking for the first time in almost two years and not having issues during or after. Sitting peacefully by a river. A scenic route drive to Buena Vista and all the beauty of it. Dinner cooked over a backcountry propane stove. Hummingbirds and  ground squirrels keeping us entertained. A good nights rest. Still under budget for food!

June 24th: A calm Sunday spent staying close to camp. Having the best microbrew beer in the state. Spending an hour in a private room at the Salida Hot Springs Community Pool and how we enjoyed it. Napping with the breeze cooling me inside the tent. Cooking dinner over a fire and with the propane stove. The joy of just being.

#RockyMountainNationalPark, #blessings, #roadtrip, #thankful, #Colorado, #healing

On Remembering The Past

     It was in middle school when I was introduced to someone who made a profound difference in my life. He didn't know it at the time. All he knew was that he was out in the middle of a desert fighting against an injustice. He also knew he was helping to maintain our freedom. Something else he knew was that his former teacher was trying to make things a little better for him out there. That teacher, Mr. Carl,  had a group of students either write to this soldier or to "any soldier."
      I was one of those students, and chose to write to this former student. He quickly wrote back (well as quickly as snail mail allows from Saudi Arabia.) With some encouragement, I wrote a second letter. A friendship was quickly formed. It was one that would span nearly 10 years. The soldiers' name was David James Bassler.
     I was a struggling student, not just academically, but emotionally. Things have not been going well in the private school I attended. Bullying was occurring on almost a daily basis. Most teachers (all but the one who had us write the letters) did not understand what was going on and that trouble at home wasn't helping the situation. While I never was in trouble with the teachers, I was always in trouble with my classmates. I was quirky, constantly thinking "outside the box." If a book was not in my hands than a notebook was. My hands were busy either turning pages or writing pages, and my feet never stopped moving - constantly tapping out beats to my favorite music. I had an obsession with music, particularly with two Christian artists. In morning prayer, I usually had the same simple requests. I suppose it all made me an easy target, although  it saddened me that I was being attacked for trying to live the way we had been taught.
     David learned of some of these things through our letters. He encouraged me to keep pressing forward. When the torment became too much and I ended up being homeschooled for a year, his letters became an inspiration. At that point, he was back in the States and my parents had allowed me to send him our phone number. David would call every few months so we could talk in details that the letters did not allow. I saw him as an older brother or mentor. He helped strengthen my wavering self-confidence. Learning about his past allowed me to see that things could be much worse. When I wanted to quit school and music and everything else that was causing so much pain, he helped me keep going.
    Five and a half years and one high school graduation later, my parents drove me down to Nashville, Tennessee for a very special present. David met us there and we spent two days seeing the sights. It was beyond wonderful to see in person this man who had so much influence on my own life. There was a lot of laughter, a little bit of arguing, and many long hours of conversation. It was one of the most amazing experiences.
     The letter-writing continued until I was out of college. He moved around a lot and somehow we lost contact. A letter I had sent came back saying there was no forwarding address. I hope one day to find him again. I want to thank him, to be able to let him know all those little things that ended up making a big difference in who I am today. Some of you know that I mentor a couple of area teenagers. I do that, because of David. I want to be that positive influence that he was for me.
     
     
#PenPal, #DavidJamesBassler, #mentoring, #blessings

On Mysterious Ways

     This week started out as any other. There were substitute jobs lined up, appointments made, and gardening to keep up with. Since the two new medications for my back and hip had failed due to bad reactions, I was frustrated at the level of pain. However, I pressed forward.

     Things changed quickly throughout the week though and by Saturday I couldn't even imagine what the ending held. Monday was fairly "normal" save for having one of the teens I mentor (he calls me "mom") come over to help mow the lawn. Our tractor cannot be fixed fast enough! Tuesday brought the beginning of what would become a wild week. I was at Farmington, covering for one of the amazing teachers who help develop those with major delays. I was outside helping with unloading buses when another teacher said "Aren't you the author who was in the Star-Exponent?" After confirming that I was, we chatted about the novel and how things were going with sales and such. Others got involved and the time passed quickly. Suddenly, she said that I should have a table out at the street festival this weekend. I admitted to not knowing about it and wasn't sure I could get a table this late. She instantly offered me a corner of her booth, where she'd be selling Italian Ice. I thanked her and said I would be happy to help her out for letting me use her table.
     That afternoon the faltering breaks on the back of my car failed flat out. I had to change my plans and grind over to the shop. After handing it off to the mechanic, I wandered to the grocery store and slowly meandered through my long list. I was at the mercy of Owen's work now. He'd have to leave there to rescue me from the far side of town. I was in so much pain and rapidly forgetting all that also had to be done this week.
     Wednesday was tough as getting Owen motivated to take me to work wasn't the most successful endeavor. However, the students at the high school were good and the weather was nice that afternoon as I waited for him to pick me up. There was a lot of house work to do that evening (moving furniture) and in the process, I had forgotten to order the books for the author table on May 26th. I had also forgotten to transfer funds into the proper account so that I could purchase the softbacks. I was losing site of all things good.
     Thursday, despite the pain, I worked outside for 2 hours whilst the installers started working their magic inside (the last of our new flooring). Once worn out, I went back inside, fixed the screen door that Hobo had knocked out in his panic to get to me, and sat in the kitchen. The dogs were locked in there with me and after making kale chips and some other goodies, I was bored and feeling really claustrophobic. The floors were finished around two and the process of setting furniture back in place began. By evening I was worn beyond measure and once again, forgot to transfer funds.
     Friday found me trying to contain a worked up fifth grade class, who were supposed to have field day and who ended up inside all day due to storm warnings. I had errands to run after school and it was late before getting to the computer. I went to transfer the money to the account we use for the novel and discovered it was too late. The transfer would not go through until Monday and there wasn't enough in the account to cover the purchase of the fifteen copies I needed. I looked at my main account and made the decision to pay from that, on a wing and a prayer that I could make up the amount needed to cover the full amount soon. Not forgetting the offer of the table at the street festival, I printed a couple posters, packed a bag and went to an early bed-time. I sure hoped she was serious, because the 4 copies I still had with me must be sold asap to make up those funds.
      Saturday morning was warm and slightly breezy. I made my way to the festival and found the teacher excited to see me. I helped her finish setting up and sales of Italian Ice started instantly. Before long, I was handling the money side of her booth and keeping her stocked with cups and spoons. There wasn't much time to work on making eye contact or calling out for the book. I did see one teacher from the high school though and she bought a copy. A short time later, a young man came up and we talked about the novel for some time before he ran off to borrow money from his dad for a copy. At that point, the Ice stand was in full swing and there was no looking back. I don't know how she ever handled it alone in the past with that many people! I would have been in a panic. By mid-afternoon, pain was radiating from my foot. The compression garment had pinched a blister onto my toe. I tried to fix the situation, but the pain just got worse. Knowing my physical limitations and knowing I had been pushing them for the past five hours, I sadly told Ms. H that I had to leave. I packed up the two novels and went to give her a hug. She surprised me by telling me to go take $40 from the sales bag. I started to protest but she said I had worked so hard when I didn't have to that she couldn't let me leave empty handed. With tears in my eyes, I thanked her. What was the amount I still needed to make ends meet for the novel order? Forty dollars.

#MidnightToMorning, #blessings, #justenough, #faith